Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
