Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
