your parents love me but you hate me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
