I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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