i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
