i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize