You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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