i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
