Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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