dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
