It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize