So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize