In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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