That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
