Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
