Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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