How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
