i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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