I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
