i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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