I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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