you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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