I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We got so high we made milksteak
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
