Kareoke will never be a sober sport
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I could make wine with my vomit
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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