weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize