Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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