Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
