Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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