Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
