lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
