I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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