Banned from zoo.
Again?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
