i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
