Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
