yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
