You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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