I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
