did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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