we have pet lesbian snakes
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize