You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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