Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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