I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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