Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
