I think my fart just growled at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would fuck him just for his dog
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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