Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
