ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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