just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
