No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
