Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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