You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
