Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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