he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
