the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
