i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't been this sober since birth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
