New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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