Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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