I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
