In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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