i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
