You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
