It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize