4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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