oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
