Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
