Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
