he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have fence marks all over my body
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
