32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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