it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
