Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
